Nobler in The Mind: The Power of Interpretation
David Thompson, 09 Sep 2009
As a coach and a trainer, I’ve spent a lot of time talking clients or
course delegates down from the proverbial ledges of angry, aggressive
or simply nervous responses to behaviour they don’t like or situations
that make them uncomfortable. I’ve dealt with people who are expert at
assuming the worst intentions of others, and who have mastered the art
of working themselves into a frenzy over a strangely worded email or an
abrupt question in a high-stakes meeting.
In these cases, it’s often most useful back off, take a breath, and
lighten up. I ask my clients for what purpose they’ve chosen to
interpret the other person’s actions the way they have, and I ask them
how much their negative interpretation is helping them get the result
they really want. And yes, I do “load the language” to help them see
that their interpretation is a choice – even if it is one they’re not
making consciously. I then ask them to consider other perspectives and
to list a series of possible motives for and meanings of the other
person’s words or actions.
Usually, that does the trick. Once they’ve recognised that, as Hamlet
puts it, “nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so,”
their options open up. Instead of some knee-jerk response to the
situation – or, far worse, a calculated series of actions that stem
from assumed animosity – they start to discover any number of ways they could
approach the issue – without resorting to an ugly confrontation.
This strategy proves helpful and effective in almost every normal
working situation. The fact is that too many people have a bad habit of reading stuff into emails or comments that aren't necessarily there.
The next time you find yourself stressed, angered or annoyed by a
colleague’s behaviour – see what happens when you ask yourself the
following questions:
1. How am I choosing to read this situation?
2. How does my interpretation of the other person’s actions make me feel?
3. What other interpretations are possible?
4. If the other person had a POSITIVE motive for their actions, what would it be?
5. What is my ideal outcome? (What do I really want to happen?)
6. What is my first step toward the ideal outcome?
These questions can help you shake yourself loose from your first response. They help you remember that you
don’t have to take it personally (or even that seriously). And they
prompt you to remember what’s really important.
